


The Boat Trip From Hell

by AlexStandallsSmile



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alcoholism, Alex needs a hug, Angst, Brain Injury, Canon Disabled Character, Coming Out, Gay, Hospital, Hurt/Comfort, Justin is a softie, M/M, Multi, TBI, Zach needs a hug, Zalex, camping trip, chalex - Freeform, clay is seeing dead people, zalexfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24577408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexStandallsSmile/pseuds/AlexStandallsSmile
Summary: *S4 Spoilers*Set during 4x4“One bad hit and you never walk again, you never speak again, is that what you want?” - Bill Standall S3.The one where Zach and Alex’s drunken boat trip ends in disaster, and a love confession.
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall, Jessica Davis/Alex Standall, Jessica Davis/Justin Foley, Justin Foley/Clay Jensen, Zach Dempsey & Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 32
Kudos: 122





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alex is feeling sorry for himself and finds Zach in the same position. Who knew some harmless fun could end up in disaster.

The Boat Trip From Hell

“One bad hit you never walk again, you never speak, is that what you want?” - Bill Standall s3  
.  
.  
Present Day: The Senior Camping Trip  
.  
.  
Alex was fuming. Winston had completely deceived him, led his already broken heart on in an attempt to reveal not only his demons, but the one mistake that he thought was worse than his suicide attempt.

He walked through the forest defeated, his shoulders slumping as he looked out across the trees and on to the lake. He stared at the open water, his own eyes watering as he thought about Bryce’s last moments, his body being pulled under, the body of water enveloping him, swallowing him. He felt a shiver run through his  
bones, and he swayed slightly. He caused that, it was his fault a man was dead, and people were going to find out.

He breathed back what tears he had left before squinting slightly, gazing back down at the lake as he began to focus on a figure, slumped across a row boat in a drunken haze. Typical Zach Dempsey, he thought, his friend that had recently crossed onto his neck of the woods of life, messy and broken. His heart lifted slightly as he saw the boy look up, grinning with his all so familiar cheeky smile, before waving Alex down.

“I think those float better on water than rocks” he rolled his eyes sarcastically, his expression trying to hide his relief of seeing his best friend in his time of need. 

Zach pulled himself up drunkenly, shaking his bottle of whiskey up in the air. “Wanna find out?” He giggled, motioning for his fragile friend to join him. He was feeling numb, he needed something, someone to add a spark in his life, and that someone was Alex Standall, his sarcastically sweet Alex, the one person that still made him feel human. 

“I-I I don’t know man.” Alex hesitated, still on edge as he saw the water surrounding them. This was the first time he’d gone near a lake since Bryce. He wasn’t sure his nerves could take it. 

“Come onnnn, live a little Lex, there’s alcohol with your name on it man.” Zach teased, grinning in accomplishment as Alex began to make his way down.  
.  
.  
“Okay, so even in your drunken state you still manage to row a boat ten times better than I ever could.” Alex huffed, his arms tired as he sat back against the seat. 

“Ah Id assume it is more to do with the fact I’ve got two fully functioning arms Lex.” He joked, winking at the boy with baby blues, his smile fading slightly as Alex shook his head.

“You’re literally the only one that can get away with saying that stuff Dempsey” Alex laughed darkly, nudging his friend with his good leg, before leaning forward slightly to get a better look at his friend’s swaying figure and troubled eyes. 

“What happened Zach?” He sighed, smiling sadly as his friend took another swill of his drink. “You used to have so much life in your eyes, and now, well now your eyes look like mine, tired, and sad.” Alex sniffed slightly. “I don’t ever want to see you with sad eyes, you don’t deserve that.”

Zach put the bottle down, leaving the boat stationary in the water as he let them float, taking his arms off the ores and placing his hands in Alex’s knees. “I know how it looks Lex, I know, but I’m just so tired to living just to live, I want to feel alive man, I need to feel alive.” He breathed heavily, his eyes watering and his hand back on the bottle. “Do you ever just think, fuck it all?”

“Zach, I’ve been struggling to feel alive my whole life, drinking yourself into oblivion isn’t going to change that.” Alex sighed. “You’re acting like you’re keeping something in, you can talk to me you know? You know all my darkest secrets, it can’t be worse than killing someone can it?” He bit his lip with anxiety and looked back down at the blue of the water. He felt as if someone was below it, Bryce was down there, deep, deep, down.

“I’m not keeping anything in man, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about Bryce, I did most of the damage on that one.” Zach shook off the seriousness of the conversation and brought Alex back into reality as he brushed over the small boy’s hand. He felt his heart jump, but didn’t dare show it as Alex looked up at him.

“Why don’t we just fuck it all.” Zach smiled genuinely, standing as he put his other hand out for Alex to grab onto. Alex nodded tentatively, shakily rising with him so they were both stood up on the boat. 

“Fuck it all.” Alex giggled, his eyes fixated on Zach’s as the taller boy held him up straight.

“You’ve got more than that Standall, come on, shout with me.” Zach blurted. “FUCK IT ALL.” He shouted drunkenly, letting go of Alex’s grip as he bent down to pick up the whiskey bottle.

“FUCK IT ALL!” Alex copied, not caring that he swayed against the boat, taking the bottle from Zach as he took another swig. He pushed it to his own lips, gulping as much as he could before screaming again. 

“FUCK IT A-“ his foot slipped suddenly, his balance completely giving up as he collapsed off the side of the boat, his legs and arms working too slowly as he plummeted into the water harshly, his head smashing violently against the ore as he slipped.

Zach fell to the floor of the boat, his eyes more focused on the drink bottle that smashed against him as he brought his knees up to his chest, laughing in a drunken haze. 

“Alex man, fucking hell.” He snorted, kneeling back up to hang over the boat. “Nice fall dude.”  
His smile quickly faded, his eyes wide and concerned as he couldn’t see his boy with messy brown hair and ocean blues. 

“Alex?” He whispered to himself, frantically standing as he looked out at the water. “ALEX.” He screamed as he leapt in, his heart quickening, his mind focused on one thing. 

Was he safe? He had to be safe. 

He dived down into the deep abyss, his eyes open against the fresh water as he searched desperately for his friend, the one that was sinking, drowning and it was all his fault.

He found his unconscious frame and instantly found his arms instinctively wrapping themselves around his limp figure, and pulling him up and up until their heads were above water again.

“ALEX?” Zach screamed as he swam them towards the shore. “ALEX, CAN YOU HEAR ME, ALEX?” He was tapping that boy’s pale and lifeless cheek, his own tears masked by the water as he sobbed into his friends shirt.

He pulled his limp figure onto the stones and proceeded to try and wake him. He felt himself breathing heavily as he continued to push the boy onto his side, stroking his hair out of his face as he shook him. And that’s when he saw it, that is when he saw the massive gash on the side of his head, the bad side of his head, the same side that had had a bullet through it.

Now he knew something was really wrong.

“A-Alex please, Alex I’m so sorry, please wake up please.” Zach had sobered and was now full on sobbing into the unconscious boy’s chest. “It’s okay man, I’m gonna help you, you’re gonna be okay, god please be okay.” 

“HELP.” He screamed, his hand cupping Alex’s cheek as he put his jacket lightly under his head. “SOMEONE HELP.” He pleaded.

“God Alex you can’t die, you’re the reason I’m fucked up man, I’m in love with you okay, I love you so fucking much it hurts. So you can’t die, you can’t.” He wailed, pushing his hair back to get a better look at the gash. 

“HELP!” He screamed again. 

TBC.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach goes to visit Alex.

“HELP!” Zach screamed helplessly, his mind racing as he tried to do the right thing. He needed to leave Alex to get help, but he couldn’t leave Alex. “SOMEONE PLEASE”

His wailing stopped as he heard a voice shouting in the distance. With his vision blurry from crying, and his body shaking as he desperately tried to wrap Alex up, he managed to look up to the top of the cliff to see no other than Bill Standall and Charlie St. George stood hovering over the rock with their eyes wide in confusion. Alex and Zach were far into the cove, so it was hard to see them from up top.

“MR STANDALL WE NEED HELP, IT’S ALEX, IT’S ALEX, HE’S HURT.” Zach bellowed as loud as he could, sighing slightly in relief as Deputy Standall began to run down towards them the second he heard his son’s name. “WE NEED AN AMBULANCE, CHARLIE CALL AN AMBULANCE.” Zach continued to scream as he saw the pair of them rush to Alex’s aid.

He looked back at his friend’s fragile figure, his heart sinking as he saw him unconsciously shivering, his brown hair tainted red for a second time as blood continued to pour. Zach knew this was bad, it had to be bad. 

“Oh my god, Alex.” His dad gasped, collapsing against his son as he ripped off his coat, laying it over his limp frame. “Alex buddy talk to me, y-your head, god your head.” His face was white with shock as he quickly sprung into action, checking his sons vitals as best he could, staring dependently at Charlie as he got on the line with a first responder.

Zach had fallen to his knees in fear, his hands covered in blood. Alex’s blood. He couldn’t take in his surroundings, the world seemed blurry around him, distant. So much so that he didn’t hear Deputy Standall calling him until he was screaming at his terrified figure.

“Zach what the hell happened?” He pleaded “DEMPSEY!?” He screamed. 

“I-I I’m sorry, I-I, no we were on a boat together and he stood up and, and h-he f-fell. He fell and hit his head, I’m sorry, I-I’m-“

“Okay kiddo, okay, keep calm, we’ve all got to keep calm.” Standall tried to breathe away his blind panic, focusing back on his son who was taking painfully slow shallow breaths, and was still very much unconscious. “How long have you been here Zach, how long has he been unconscious?” His dad was beginning to fret, and was finding it all so much harder to hold it together. 

“About 10 minutes sir.” Zach answered in a panicked voice. “Oh god please tell me he’ll be okay.” 

They were both interrupted as Charlie ran towards them and crouched beside his friend. “They are on their way, air ambulance is going to try and land on the cliff, 15 minutes at most.” He was panting, his face blush red from both exertion and panic.

Alex’s dad was visibly upset, his eyes watering as he cradled his son. “It’s okay buddy, I’ve got you, I’ve got you. Hang in there son, I’ve done this once I can’t do it again.” He had his hand pressed firmly against his wound to withhold pressure, but he didn’t dare say what he was thinking.

One bad hit the doctor had said, one bad hit and they could be back to square one, or worse. He gulped, focusing on looking at his sons face, his gentle features and his innocent expression. His little boy was in there, he just needed him to come back.  
.  
.  
As Charlie promised, within 15 minutes a helicopter was landing, and Zach could see a crew racing down the rocks to their aid. He finally let go of his emotions, and began to visibly shake and cry into Charlie’s chest. He couldn’t lose Alex. Not like this. 

“Okay so he’s got a previous TBI from a gunshot wound in the right side of his head, he’s been KO’d for approximately 25 minutes and has not regained consciousness. His breaths are shallow, he’s possibly hypothermic, he’s been in the water.” Alex’s dad had entered a robotic state, tentatively handing over his son’s fragile frame to the paramedics as they began to work on him. “Please help him, he’s my baby boy, he’s m-my b-boy.” He began to whimper, still keeping a firm grip on Alex’s hand, massaging comforting circles into his palm.

Zach was frozen still. He could only watch. He didn’t dare go near the boy, he couldn’t forgive himself for what he had done. What if Alex never woke up, what if he could never tell him how he felt.

He watched in fear and Alex was loaded onto a stretcher, his neck in a brace, his beautiful pink lips covered under an oxygen mask to help him breathe. As the EMT’s began to strap him to the stretcher and carry him towards the helicopter, Zach’s legs subconsciously stood him up, his shaky figure rushing behind them. 

“I’m going with him boys, I suggest you go back to camp and let people know what has happened.” Bill Standall asserted. He looked terrified, but still had to remain strong, not just for Alex, but for Zach in his traumatised form.

Charlie nodded, holding Zach’s arm in support. He waited until both Alex and his dad were further up before pulling Zach back, fury on his face. “You’re drunk goddamit, if you’re recklessness is the reason he’s hurt so bad I swear to god Zach.” Charlie whispered harshly.

“I-I I-It was just a couple man, I-I’m so s-sorry.” Zach was crying again, and Charlie shook his head. “Sorry doesn’t cut it Zach, you could have cost him his life.”

Zach hung his head, he knew he’d never forgive himself for what had happened. He just knew he couldn’t leave Alex’s side. 

“Please, please can we follow them Charlie, please.” Zach pleaded his friend. “You don’t understand, I can’t leave him man, I c-can’t.”

Charlie sighed, letting his anger go for one second as he pulled the crying former jock into his embrace. He knew how much Alex meant to Zach, and he didn’t quite know how to console him. As Zach left a wet patch on his chest, he thought of ways they could get to the hospital.

“We’ll have to walk into the nearest town and catch a bus back home, I’ll drive us from there okay?” Charlie pulled away, cupping Zach’s cheeks in his hands. “You’ve got to get it together Dempsey. If I’m taking you to him you’ve got to be strong okay? Promise me. Strong and fucking sober.” He watched as Zach sadly nodded, taking it as an affirmative to start heading up the cliff and finding a way out of this hell forsaken woods.  
.  
.  
The hospital was all so familiar. Zach couldn't count the amount of times he had been sat in the waiting room, waiting patiently for his turn to see Alex after his suicide attempt. He couldn’t count the amount of times he lived off vending machine food as he sat by his best friends bed, squeezing his hand, reading him the sports page of the newspaper. Alex hated sport, but it was all that Zach could think to do back then. 

He breathed heavily as he walked the corridor, Charlie looking nervous behind him as they reached the ED. His heart was in his mouth. It had been 2 hours since Alex was taken away, and they were yet to hear an update. The camp knew, and were not far behind as they had begun to pack up and head back to Evergreen. 

“We should take a seat and wait for Mr Standall to come and talk to us.” Charlie motioned to two spare iron plated hospital chairs, both the most uncomfortable chairs Zach had ever grown to know. He’d sat on one for 12 hours the day he heard about Alex’s attempt.

“You stay there, I’m gonna grab something from the vending machine.” Zach smiled, leaving his bag with Charlie as he snuck out of the waiting room. He couldn’t handle this any longer, he had to find Alex. 

He paced the corridors for any sign of his boy, the one with beautiful blue eyes that he hoped would soon be gazing at him. Instead he stumbled across Alex’s mum, choking back tears as she walked out of a room, his room.

“Err Mrs Standall, how is Alex, is he okay?” He felt himself striding towards her, his breaths quickening with every step. “Is he in there, can I see him?”

Carolyn Standall tried her best to dry her tears before smiling sadly at the young boy. She pursed her lips before waking over and taking his hand in hers. “It’s not looking good Zach Honey, he had a seizure in the helicopter and still hasn’t regained consciousness yet, they have just brought him back from an MRI so we will have a better idea of what’s going on very soon. He’s stable though honey, he’s stable, that’s the main thing.” 

Zach held in his tears, for he was too angry at himself to cry. What if a bad knock to the head was enough to send Alex back to square one, back to a time that he had worked so hard to overcome. He’d come so far, and he had potentially stripped his progress away from him.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered comfortingly. “I don’t know what to say.” He sighed.

“It’s okay honey, we always knew there was a risk of this, he’s always been a little more fragile than he let on, it’s not your f-fault.” Mrs Standall was now visibly sobbing, burying her head in her hands. Zach took the opportunity to embrace her, listening as she sniffed out her words. “H-He was just doing so w-well and now I’m worried it’s all going to be t-taken away from h-him.” She cried.

“Mrs Standall, I’m sorry I have to tell you something.” He shook his head, he had to tell her it was his fault, that he was drunk and reckless and that Alex wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. “I’m so sorry it’s my-“

The door to Alex’s room swung open, Deputy Standall rushing out towards the pair of them with tears rolling down his face. “He’s awake Carolyn, Alex is awake!”

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One for the Charlex fans (aka it’s got to the point where I can’t decide who I ship)

Zach felt his heart pull him into Alex’s room, quickly following the boy’s parents as they rushed to his bedside. Zach let out an inaudible whimper as soon as he saw him, laying weak against the hospital sheets, his bandaged head measly propped up by a pillow, his hands laying limp by his side. His eyes were barely open, but he was there. 

“Alex buddy, Son can you hear me?” Bill stroked back his hair, sitting down beside him as he took his little hand. “Can you squeeze my hand Alex, wanna try doing that?” He looked concerningly at Mrs Standall, his heart sinking as his child didn’t respond. “Come on buddy, you can do it.” He tried again, hoping for any avail. To his surprise he felt a small squeeze against his fingers, his eyes firmly back on Alex’s as he seemed to use all his strength to meet his dad’s wishes.

“That’s it Alex, that’s it baby, you’re doing so well.” His mum took the next seat, leaning over and kissing his forehead. “I’m going to get the doctor, you rest up okay?” She withheld a small cry of relief. He could understand her, he could hear them, and in that moment it meant everything.

Zach hovered nervously at the foot of the bed, just gazing at him, watching his pained expression as he kept trying to speak. “What’s your name buddy, can you tell me?” Zach saw Bill trying his best to figure out how bad the damage was. Alex looked exhausted, pale and confused. He could tell he was trying hard though.

“A-A-“ he stumbled, slurring slightly as he closed his eyes in concentration. He’d been here before, and Zach knew how frustrated he used to get when he couldn’t get words out. “A-Alex.” He whispered horsely, letting out a huge breath of both relief and exhaustion as he felt his weight collapse back into the bed.

Alex felt his eyes growing heavy, and drifted back off into a deep darkness, the sleep he desperately needed. He felt strange, he felt as if he was trapped again, trapped back in his body.  
He allowed a dream to swallow him, and suddenly he felt weightless, free.

Zach only stared at the floor. His actions had done too much damage. He looked at Bill Standall’s nervous demeanour, watching as he continued to pull his sons hand up to his lips and kiss his fingers. Zach couldn’t watch anymore, he couldn’t bare to see what he had caused, he couldn’t bare to know he had ruined the one person he had ever loved. 

In that moment he closed his eyes, shook his head as tears started to fall, and then raced out of the room, flying through the corridors with his hand to his mouth. He was going to be sick, he needed to get out. He heaved over a corridor trash can, sweat running down his face. He was a monster. 

“Woah, woah, Zach what happened, Zach?” He felt Charlie by his side, instantly there to rub his back. “Oh god is Alex okay, please tell me Alex is okay?” He panicked, eyes wide. “ZACH?” 

“Why the fuck do you care so much St. George, you barely even know him for fucks sake!” Zach spat, taking out his self hatred on the jock that was only ever a sweetheart.

“I-I errm, of course I care about him Zach, Alex is everything to me okay, you’re bang out of order there!” Charlie lost his nerve and turned mad with rage. Alex deserved better than Zach, he would have never have put him in this much danger. “Who the fuck do you think you are Dempsey, you’re the reason he’s in this mess!” He fought back, his hands now off the boy’s back and curled into fists. He released them quickly, for he was not the fighting type. 

“Fuck you Charlie.” Zach looked up, pain glossing his eyes. “Have him then, he’s yours.” He kicked the trash can, tears rolling down in a red anger. He took a final look at Alex’s room, before storming down the corridor and out of the exit. 

Charlie was right, he had to get away before he caused more damage.  
.  
.  
*2 Weeks Later*  
.  
.  
“Here, do you want another sip?” Charlie leant forward, his hand lightly holding Alex’s head up as he weakly took a sip from the straw. Alex nodded to signify he was done and Charlie smiled, placing the cup back on his bedside table.

“I’m not an invalid you know.” Alex lightly tutted, his eyes rolling as he did his best to push himself up against the pillows. “C-Could still take you in a fight S-St. George.” He still stuttered now and again, but his speech had recovered pretty quickly, considering the damage caused.

The MRI had revealed that the trauma to his head had hit his weak spot, causing a large bleed on the brain, something that had been corrected a week ago in surgery, but still left Alex with more lasting damage. In no way did it compare to the recovery from his gunshot wound where he was left comatose for a month, but in terms of physical damage he was still feeling the effects.

“I know Lex, I know, just hate to see you in pain.” Charlie sighed, taking a seat back on the side of his friend’s bed. Although, the result of the past two weeks left them both wondering if ‘friends’ was the best way to describe what was going on. Charlie had stayed by his side each night, playing games with him, helping with his speech and holding his hand when it got too much. Alex liked the way the jock played gently with his fingers when he thought he was asleep. It definitely felt like more than friends.

As for Zach, Alex hadn’t seen him since the day of the accident. He’d seen Clay, Jessica and even Justin, but there was no word on Zach, and that broke Alex’s heart. He couldn’t understand why his best friend was avoiding him so much, and more importantly why his friends were avoiding mentioning his name. He couldn’t really remember the day of the accident, but he had a strong inkling that Zachery Dempsey had something to do with it. 

“I can’t believe you’re coming home tomorrow.” Charlie smiled, brushing back Alex’s mop of hair. “I think as soon as you’re back in your own surroundings your recovery will be so much quicker!” He chirped, eyeing the brown haired boy’s solemn glance. “Come on man, you’ve got to stay positive.” He brushed his hand over Alex’s, and Alex gripped on tight. 

“I just can’t believe I’ve got to do it all over again you know?” He huffed in defeat. “I just wanna be able to walk down the riverside again, and order my own drink at Monet’s without having someone push me or help me to the counter.” He could feel himself getting frustrated, and Charlie caught on. 

“Why don’t we go outside for a bit? Get some fresh air? You’ve had PT today, you must be sick of these walls.” Charlie suggested, trying to calm Alex’s nerves, as he didn’t want another melt down on his hands. Over the last week his injury had also had an affect on his mental health. He struggled to focus and control his emotions.

“Y-yeah, I’d like that.” Alex sniffed, gazing sadly at the chair he was currently needing. “Will you h-help me?” 

Charlie nodded, pulling his friend up gently into a sitting position, his heart dropping as it always did when he saw Alex’s body begin to shake slightly. “Okay, I’m gonna get you to grab my hands and we’ll see if you can take some steps to the chair okay?”

Alex nodded, scrunching his eyes shut as he took all of his strength to stand up with Charlie’s help. This was all so easy a few weeks ago and now he found it so hard. His limbs worked, but he felt like he was back at square one, he just couldn’t control them. 

“Okay a few steps, you can do this.” Charlie kept a firm grip on one hand, and looped the other around his waist. “That’s it Lex, thats it.” Alex shakily walked over to the chair, only stumbling slightly before he was helped sitting down. 

“See, I told you man, you did it!” Charlie beamed, his eyes bright and caught up in the moment as he placed a small peck into Alex’s hair. Alex felt himself blush, but didn’t dare show it. “Less with the patronising tone Charles.” He shook his head, his heart still beating fast from both exertion and desire. 

“Come on then, let’s head out, I’ve got a surprise for you.” He took off the safety breaks and pushed the chair down the corridor. 

“Oh god, I hate surprises.” Alex huffed with a giggle, mentally face palming. “Go on then.”   
.  
.  
After a long ride up in a lift, a few painful steps and a blindfold, Alex was finally able to open his eyes to see what was in front of him. Before him was the hospital roof, the railings lined with yellow string lights as the sun began to set, and a red blanket draped along the floor, littered with all of Alex’s favourite snack foods. 

Alex inaudibly gasped, his face blushing, his blue eyes watering slightly against the lights. This boy cared about him, this was the prettiest thing he had ever seen. He didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve Charlie. 

“Charles Hayden Brixton St. George, you’re too m-much.” Alex shook his head “H-help me up onto that blanket will you?” He smiled tearfully, his mind telling him not to roll his eyes at the cheesiness and just enjoy the moment. 

“So do you like it?” Charlie giggled as they both sat looking over the town. 

“Y-yeah.” Alex was quiet, looking out at the hills, the buildings, normality. Something he craved, something he didn’t believe he deserved. “T-thank you.” He sniffled, biting his lip in distress.

“Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong, is it too much? It’s too much isn’t it?” Charlie panicked, crouching in front of Alex, his hands resting on his shaky knees. “Come on Lex, don’t cry.” He wiped a tear from his cheek, smiling comfortingly as Alex looked up at him. 

“I-I’m sorry, I just don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve y-you.” He whimpered, his brain desperately trying to calm himself. He felt embarrassed and un-deserving. 

“No. No, Alex, you deserve this and more. What you don’t deserve is this pain your going through, you deserve nothing but happiness.” Charlie tried to console him, massaging relaxing circles into his palms.

“Why don’t you hate me, I-I killed a person, I-I I’m a horrible person.” He sniffed. “Charlie s-seriously w-why?” 

Charlie had tears in his eyes. He couldn’t bare to see the boy he loved so broken. God did he just admit that to himself. He loved Alex. God he loved Alex.

“Alex you’re the kindest person I know. You’re sweet, sarcastic and selfless. And I know you’ll always have your darkness, but I truly believe you’re a good person, you’re the best person I know.” Charlie breathed heavily, his eyes fixated on Alex’s as they sat so close. Charlie laid his hand on Alex’s cheek, rubbing away his tears and brushing his soft hair behind his ear. “I love you.” 

Alex’s breath hitched, he felt dizzy with emotions. So as Charlie St. George leant in towards him, he locked his lips onto his, smiling teary eyed into the kiss.

He pulled away to see Charlie crying too, the blonde boy showing his fragility which Alex liked. He couldn’t believe that someone who knew his darkest secret could still love him. He went to speak, say it back even, but before he got his words out the pair of them flinched, Charlie helping Alex turn around as they saw a figure push the roof door open.

“Zach?” Alex gulped “w-what are you d-doing here?”

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Zalex you guys have been wishing for. Stick it out, it’s deffo a slow burn kinda thing!!

“Alex, I, I’m sorry, I needed to see you.” Zach gulped nervously, his hand hanging on the rooftop door as he stared at the scene before him. His heart sunk as he saw the boy he loved in the arms of another, surrounded by romantic string lights and perfectly decorated cakes. Maybe he shouldn’t have come.

Alex was speechless. This was too much at once. He was sitting in the arms of one boy who loved him, staring at another boy that he had been in love with for the last year. The boy that hadn’t seen him once since the accident. 

Charlie saw Alex struggle, holding him slightly as he began to waver. “Zach man, where have you been?” Charlie was concerned. His friend looked a mess, his clothes baggy and his hair rugged. He looked like he hadn’t shaved in a week and his eyes were glistening in a drunken haze. This guy wasn’t Zach.

“Z-Zach.” Alex whispered. It was all too much.

“I-I’m sorry, I just-I, Alex please can we talk.” Zach mumbled, leaving the door and heading towards the pair. Charlie let go of Alex’s frame, smiling sadly at Zach as he stood to give him his seat. “Be gentle with him okay, try not to upset him.” Charlie whispered.

“I-I can look after m-myself Charlie.” Alex warned, eyeing the blonde haired boy to give him a second. “How a-about you head down and g-get us all a drink?” 

Charlie knew Alex needed to talk with Zach. He had been asking about him all week. He knew he was worried about his friend, and as always wanted to do the right thing. He crouched down and pressed a kiss to his head before nodding at Zach and heading down the steps.

As soon as they were left alone Zach slumped onto the blanket, his demeanour nervous as he looked Alex up and down. Alex was propped up by a few cushions, his eyes tired, his frame thinner in only two weeks. He felt responsible, he was responsible.

“Look, Alex, I would have come sooner but I just didn’t know what to say.” He sighed, shifting slightly so their shoulders touched. “I feel like this is my fault, if I hadn’t of been so reckless and off my face drunk I would never have let you stand up on that boat, not with you know, your-“ 

“W-What? my gammy l-leg?” Alex rolled his eyes, chuckling slightly as he shakily reached his hand over to rest on Zach’s. “This isn’t y-your fault Zach.” He pursed his lips, smiling sadly as he saw the boy begin to break.

“B-But I, I was drunk, I wasn’t thinking, I took us on the boat and n-nearly killed you.” He began to feel tears fall from his face, he couldn’t even look at Alex. He still felt so guilty.

“I-It was my choice to stand up on the b-boat, just like I-it was my dumb c-choice to s-shoot myself in the head.” Alex admitted, running his fingers gently along his scar. “T-This is on m-me Zach, you’re not m-my carer.” He giggled softly, desperately trying to lighten the mood.

“No I think that’s Charlie.” Zach teased, shaking his head as Alex went red. 

“Nah, h-he’s over p-protective, but he’s the only guy w-who’s ever loved me.” Alex smiled sadly. “H-he sees past my f-faults and darkness, and h-he makes me feel l-like I’m deserving of h-happiness.” He sighed. 

Zach froze, slowly tightening his grip on Alex’s hand. Charlie wasn’t the only guy who loved him, but how could he ever tell Alex that. The boy was happy, he was finally happy and Zach didn’t want to ruin it. 

“Z-Zach?” Alex whispered concerningly. They had been sat in silence staring out at the city for the past 5 minutes. Alex felt nervous, he felt his heart jump with each breath, his head spinning slightly. Something wasn’t right.

Zach turned to him, their eyes locking for the first time in weeks, and for Zach it was just too much. Was it the 5 shots of whiskey he had swigged before he walked into the hospital, or the crazy tension between him and Alex. He had no clue, but his heart was racing, his hand was sweaty and his eyes were watering. 

He had to tell him.

“C-Charlie isn’t the only guy that’s ever loved you.” Zach whispered tentatively, letting out a long awaited breath as he waited for a response.

Alex felt giddy. He was shocked and his body wasn’t handling it well. He felt lightheaded and shaky, his eyes struggling to focus and his breathing quickening. Zach loved him. Zachery Dempsey loved him?

“Y-You w-what?” He stammered, his eyes widened. “B-But w-when I kissed you.” He was confused, Zach had pulled away, he thought Zach was disgusted by it. It was a shit show.

“I couldn’t say anything back then, I felt too nervous, and I didn’t know what was going on. I don’t know who I am Alex, that’s why I’m drinking myself into oblivion.” Zach tried to explain, but the smaller boy only grew more pale and confused.

“So t-that’s why you’ve gone off the r-rails?” Alex whimpered, “b-because of m-me?” He felt his vision darkening, after everything this was too much. 

“No no no, please don’t think that, it’s not your fault Alex, none of this is your fault.” Zach could see him wavering, and quickly looped his arm around him to stop him from falling back. “A-Alex, are you okay? A-Alex?”

Alex felt the world going cold. His head felt fuzzy, and he felt his body growing stiffer. He’d felt like this once before, his eyes beginning to roll. Oh god, he knew what was coming.

“A-Alex, talk to me buddy, Alex?” Zach held him as he began to go rigid, shaking against his body, eyes rolled back, face unmoving. He was having a seizure. 

“Shit, Alex, it’s okay man, it’s gonna be okay.” Zach ripped his jacket off, sliding it under Alex’s head as he moved him to the floor. He knew this had been happening since the accident, but he still didn’t know what to do. Where was Charlie? He needed a nurse, but he refused to leave Alex’s side.

He counted the seconds in his head, desperately trying to calm his own breathing as Alex tensed and kicked out. It was slowing, but not much. 

“Oh my god what happened?” Zach turned to see Charlie drop three cups of coffee before running to their side. “Alex, Alex can you hear me?” 

The small boy had stopped seizing and was slumped in a pile breathing heavily, Eyes now firmly pressed shut. He was shivering, and Charlie ripped off his own jacket now, laying it across him. 

“It’s okay baby, just breathe okay, keep breathing.” He stroked his hair back, his hand instinctively looping itself into Alex’s. Zach looked at the pair of them, smiling sadly. Charlie really did love him, but so did he.

“Should you get his nurse?” Zach questioned, still kneeled next to the blue eyed boy that was slowly coming round. 

Charlie nodded anxiously, quickly jumping up from his position and running towards the roof door. “Don’t leave him Dempsey, he needs you right now.” Charlie warned, taking a final look at the pair before rushing down the stairs. 

Zach looked down at the beautiful boy who’s head he had lightly pushed up to rest on his legs. He could feel Alex waking, feeling around for someone there, so he grabbed the hand that Charlie had let go of, calmly drawing circles into it.

Alex squinted, his head swimming. He didn’t know where he was, and his whole body ached, his limbs tired and sluggish. He felt frightened until he felt someone holding him. Their warmth was comforting even if he didn’t know who it was. And then he heard them speak.

“It’s okay Alex, I’m not leaving you this time okay, I’m here, I’m here.” 

It was Zach, Zach Dempsey.


End file.
